Friendships

Friendships are difficult things these days, mainly because we always seem to be filling in every spare moment, bringing up children, managing a home, working, and then there are all the relationships involved with families, I am a daughter, mother, partner, niece, it is an exhausting list. Sometimes we are unable to handle the emotional commitment friendship demands.

Yet I still feel the need and desire to connect, to have a conversation with someone where I can be myself not tailor my words because of the strict boundaries of the relationship. I think there is a real desire to go back to teenage days when you shared every thought, insecurity and emotion with your best friend. As adults I think we realise what we have missed, the only trouble is we can't have a weekend sleep over to talk until four in the morning! we have busy lives to live. Because of the lack of time we spend on friendships, they never really reach the depths of the teenage friendships, purely because we have to divide our time and emotional energy so far.

The popularity of text over telephoning is purely because we are able to pick up texts at a time convenient to us, whereas we have to answer a telephone call and speak instantly. Texting is a way of staying in touch without demanding immediate attention from the person you are communicating with. But, (mainly because I am lazy) texting simply does not give the depth to friendships, it is so difficult to portray tone, which changes sharp phrases into funny comments, or the pace, excitement is always conveyed by rapid speech. Although many people will argue that texting means they contact their friends more, I would say it keeps connection to the bare minimum.

We are suffering from a real desire to communicate with friends, fuelled by the perpetual friendships portrayed in books and films, which lead us into the misconception that all friendships are deep, and have lasted since we were children and continue for a lifetime. Leaving us who do not have these types of friendships with a sense of inadequacy. Facebook has almost become a way to prop up or insecurities by making connections with every possible acquaintance in order to have 100 friends! However, don't be misled, this isn't real friendship.

Friendship is mainly formed around a common interest, which starts by being in the same class at school, to working in the same office, to having children the same age. It is difficult to maintain friendships when you move through to a different life stage and your friends haven't. Or if you met in your workplace and you leave, you find that your time with them is no longer filled with gossip about colleagues, there is really nothing else to talk about. So if you are looking to make some friends, join a group or organisation that you are interested in, as you will meet like minded people.

Sometimes it is important to understand that some friendships are fleeting, while others are constant. Friendship, like any other relationship, needs an investment of time, love and laughter, something that can't be found by text alone.